Sartorial Advice To The Next Female Supreme Court Justice

 

 

Sartorial Advice To the Next Female Supreme Court Justice

 

 

White Kimono:  Your homage to O-Ren Ishi.   Pair it with a Samurai Sword, and you’re cooking.  Justice will never have been so swift.  Your docket will be kept empty (so to speak).  Your cleaning bills will jump, but so will you.  You cannot discount the impact of the absence of color in a multi-colored garbed crowd, or against black.  Group photos of the Kourt Kidz, and you will “pop.”   Actress Mae West, when making the film Myra Breckenridge, had it written into her contract that she be the only actor allowed to wear white.  She was worried about her age, and she wanted to deflect attention away from Raquel Welch.  You could also go around quoting Mae West while wearing white, “I was pure as the driven snow, but boy did I drift.”  Nice double entendre going on in homage to the snowy courtyard fight scene in Kill Bill Vol. 1.  If you go with this ensemble, skip the next item and go for the tabi sock and the zori shoe.  A hestitant step will confuse your opponents, and they’ll never see you coming with your verdicts.

 

 

 

             

                                       Docket Number:  05-6258

 

 

 

 

Boots:  High black leather boots with stiletto heels.  Think Condi Rice.  Think power.  Think Dominatrix.  Think of the nice "click, click, click" your heels will make in the marble halls of justice. If you decide to pair these with a kimono, tell them you’re into fusion dressing.

 

The Gavel:  A cat o'nine tails would command more respect, or a riding crop.  Such a nice whooshing, thwapping sound when it strikes.  You'’ll have them cringing at your judgments.  I think you're stuck with the gavel on this one, but if you can pull it off, don’t hang the whip off of your belt.  Stick with the understated.  If you must use a gavel, aim for ebony wood and customize the metal band to have three inch long spikes protruding outward.  Hell on the wood  bench, but what a visual.

 

 

                 

    

 

                 A Nice Homage to Navy Nautical Law...With A Twist

 

 

 

Lingerie:  Sure no one sees it under those robes, but it affects your mind set and body language. Citing astronomical costs, showman Flo Ziegfeld  was once asked why he dressed his showgirls in imported Belgian lace undergarments invisible to the audience.  Ziegfeld replied  "..the girls know they are wearing quality, and it affects how they think about themselves and how they carry their bodies.  They…walk differently."  

 

 

The Lace Jabot Issue:  This has never flown.  I don’t know what Sandy was thinking.  She was constantly sending out conflicting signals.  There was that whole Louis XIV “Le Roi Soleil, L’Etat est Moi” thang  (and you know how that crowd wound up), or it sets to mind male Scottish kilt formalwear, and you don’t want people thinking about your sporran.

 

 

                               

 

                                    

Under the Robe:  Expand your mindset.  The public isn’t going to see.  Go to work one day as a Furry.  Wear boned corsets (constrain your torso, open your mind).  Wear vintage.  Push this one as far as you can.  If you refer to Smoking Gun.com you can read about a judge who shaved and oiled his nether region and had a male enhancement pump working while he sat on the bench.   The courtroom reported hearing a "swooshing" sound coming from the bench, a noise the court reporter said "sounded like a blood pressure cuff being pumped up." The Judge, once discovered, cited that it was a “gag gift.”  What a card. 

                                  

 

 

                                 

 

 

                   http://www.thesmokinggun.com/archive/0624041pump1.html

 

 

Optional:

 

Cabana Boys:  Easy.   Call them “clerks.”

 

The Lanai:   You should be able to find some officespace for this cheerful bar addition.

 

 

                                       It's 2005, Sistah.  Lighten things up.

 

 

Being Mr. and Mrs. Bobby Brown

Mr. Bobby Brown is on Bravo Television in a show called Being Bobby Brown tonight, (June 30th) at 10 p.m.  That's one of those educational tv's, isn't it?  According to articles I've been reading, Bobby was taped for six months, and the show includes scenes where Bobby almost goes to jail, picks the lock of a hotel mini-bar (don't try this one Landon, Laprincia, Bobbi Kristina and Bobby, Jr.), as well as posing with adoring fans.  That New York paper said those "...expecting a train wreck will have to settle for a major fender bender." 

I just wanna say that Mr. Bobby Brown is my drug of choice, and I am NOT on coke.  I am in rehab to get my chakrahs realigned.  Not Chakah Khan, fool...CHAKRAHS.  I'm gonna rock ya Chakkrah-khan! Make me feeeel for ya.

To quote from Mr. Smokey Robinson:

"I don't care what they think about me
I don't care what they say
I don't care what they think if you're leaving
I'm gonna beg you to stay
I don't care if they start to avoid me
I don't care what they do
I don't care about anything else
But being with you, being with you."

My Bobby called me just the other night and told me his life was like Mr. Charlie Brown's in that he was always having the football of his career kicked out from under him like Miss Lucy yanking at his ball and not even that little red-headed girl cares about him anymore.  I say "Curse you Red Baron of the fickle public."  I mean good grief!  Y'know what I'm sayin'?  I am that little red-headed girl, (see photo), and ayeeeee eeeee eyeeee will always love you, Mr. Bobby Brown.

I've got to go.  It's time for my aura therapy.  I want a purple IV this time.  Oh yeah...crack is whack.

            

Guest Blogger: Matt

A Guest Blog Visit From Cubic's Friend, Matt:  

 

A major research institution has just announced the discovery of the heaviest element yet known to science. The new element has been named "Governmentium". Governmentium has one neutron, 12 assistant neutrons, 75 deputy neutrons, and 224 assistant deputy neutrons, giving it an atomic mass of 311. These 311 particles are held together by forces called morons, which are surrounded by vast quantities of lepton-like particles called peons. Since Governmentium has no electrons, it is inert. However, it can be detected, as it impedes every reaction with which it comes into contact. A minute amount of Governmentium causes one reaction to take over 4 days to complete, when it would normally take less than a second. Governmentium has a normal half-life of 4 years; it does not decay, but, instead undergoes a reorganization in which a portion of the assistant neutrons and deputy neutrons exchange places.

In fact, Governmentium's mass will actually increase over time, since each reorganization will cause more morons to become neutrons, forming isodopes. This characteristic of moron-promotion leads some scientists to believe that Governmentium is formed whenever morons reach a certain quantity in concentration. This hypothetical quantity is referred to as "Critical Morass". When catalyzed with money Governmentium becomes Administratium, an element which radiates just as much energy, since it has 1/2 as many peons but twice as many morons.

                                               

 

not written by Washington Cube

What's Up With Mary Worth?

Who Gives A Flying F#%$

I was looking back at all of the books I've read recently, and I realized I never wanted my blog to be one long review list of books-music-film, and yet...that's just what I did this weekend...read four books.

Several things caught my eye this past week:  Tom Cruise goes on Oprah and he's sofa jumping proclaiming his love to a woman young enough to be his daughter (which is mainly seen as a publicity ploy for his upcoming movie), spending the next week in the media eye "defending" himself, then Oprah goes to Hermes in Paris and is allegedly snubbed because they wouldn't admit her after closing hours (they were also hosting a private party at the time), Lindsey Lohan, attending a red carpet event at the new DeBeers Diamond store in Manhattan, standing amidst heckling protesters "gushed" that she would love to wear a DeBeers necklace "one day," and when asked about the issues involving "blood diamonds" and bushmen was quoted as saying "I don't get involved in any drama," (guess they should have asked her about her father, or Hillary Duff or her "there they are, oops, they're gone" breasts).

I was talking to a friend about the flood of  attention the media gives this crappola, and he said "all of these so called entertainers feel that they deserve godlike treatment because they guide us poor slobs through the morass that is our lives."  Well...it made me laugh.

                 

                      "I know I left them around here somewhere."

Book: The Lost German Slave Girl

Book:  The Lost German Slave Girl:  The Extraordinary True Story of Sally Miller and Her Fight for Freedom in Old New Orleans--John Bailey (Atlantic Monthly Press, 2003).  One day, while sitting in a law library in New Orleans researching a possible book on slave laws and how they affected the day to day relations of slaves and their rights, author John Bailey stumbled upon the case of Sally Miller.  Leaving Germany with her family in the early 1800's, Salome Muller's mother died at sea, her father died shortly after arriving in America, and the children were consigned as working slaves.  Later in life, the question was further complicated when a German family, the Schubers, who had known the Mullers swore that a slave they had found working in the French Quarter was, in fact, Salome.  Who was Sally Miller?  Was she Salome Muller, a long-lost German immigrant girl enslaved by a Southern planter? Or was she really a light-skinned black woman, shrewd enough to exploit her only opportunity for freedom?   Struck by her remarkable resemblance to their late cousin Dorothea Muller, and unusual birthmarks exactly like the daughter Salome's, the Schubers claimed Sally as kin and set about trying to prove her identity as Salome and obtain her freedom. Bailey brings to life the fierce legal proceedings with vivid strokes. The Miller case was controversial because her owner, the perfect Southern gentleman John Fitz Miller, faced disgrace if proved to have forced a white German girl into slavery. The case was heard several times in appeal, and Bailey delves into the bewildering array of possible identities turned up for Sally by numerous witnesses as well as the complexities of 19th-century Louisiana slave law and the status of black women. Sally herself remains an enigma at the center of this highly engrossing tale. 

Early on in the book Bailey explains that the Creole slavocracy created an extensive vocabulary for the grades of miscegenation:

Mulatto:  The pairing from a White and an African.

Quadroon:  The pairing from a White and a Mulatto.

Griffe:  The pairing from a Mulatto and an African.

Metif:  The pairing from a White and a Quadroon.

Marabon:  The pairing from a Mulatto and a Griffe.

Sacatra:  The pairing from a Griffe and an African.

Meamelouc:  The pairing from a White and a Metif.

Sang-Melee:  The pairing from a White and a Meamelouc.

The universal rule of the South was that if the mother was a slave, so was her child.  The law was contained by the term partus sequitur ventrem, literally "that which is brought forth from the womb."  Partus sequitur ventrem was a rule calculated to perpetuate slavery through generations.  Bondage was transmutted like a birth defect.  Even if a parent later reached their freedom, their children, born as slaves, remained slaves and were removed from the freed parent.  Bailey's book offered fascinating insight, for me, into the laws and customs of slavery, immigration and racial mixing.

                                        

 

 

Book: Anonymous: Enigmatic Images From Unknown Photographers

        

                                United Kingdom, 1880

Book:  Anonymous:  Enigmatic Images From Unknown Photographers--Robert Flynn Johnson (Thames & Hudson, 2004).

By presenting a collection of anonymous photographs the author, Robert Flynn Johnson, asks the reader to consider what it is about a photograph that makes it memorable:  what criteria do we, as viewers, bring to our evaluation of a photograph that makes it stand out beyond others.  What, in short, makes a photograph good?

Johnson breaks down his images into thirteen ways we view photographs:

1)  Aide-memoire--using the camera as an visual analogue of a potential memory.  The photograph functions simply as a way of recalling and summoning the past. 

2)  Reportage--The public face of the previous catagory.  Images of wars, historic moments, natural disasters, with the camera acting as testimony to the event.

3)  Work of art--The camera trying to replicate the classic tropes of painting or sculpture.

4)  Topography--This category relates to the former, but in essence tries to capture the effect of "painted landscape."

5)  Erotica and pornography--the gamut of sexual images is extensive from titillation to hard core.

6)  Advertisement--Photographs programmed for allurement or bait with the idea of temptation into purchase.

7)  Abstract Image--A sub-category of painting, but often done in close-up or with cropping so that the arrangement is considered as shape or mass.

8)  Literature--"Reading" a photograph as part of a narrative or short story.

9)  Text--Photographs of signs, of writing, of comic misspellings.

10)  Autobiography--Will all the photographs a person takes in his or her life be as much a record of that individual as anything written down?

11)  Composition--Sub-category of the art photograph, with composed arrangements.

12)  Means to an end tool--photographs used to illustrate textbooks, used in crime scenes, discarded Polaroids of the professional photographer.

13)  Snapshot--A split second in time of the world's history, a capturing of human enterprise and condition.

Ultimately, Johnson feels, there is an inherent melancholy in photographs.  Even lives recorded by the camera as vital and present will, over time, become ghosts.  Thus, the inevitability of death hovers gently over all photographs.

      

                        United States, 1940