Sunday, August 7, 2005

Eternal Sunday In San Francisco

I was talking to a friend in San Francisco today, and he was telling me about a ball game that he attended, and other things, then he said, "Oh.  I was taking a shower at the gym, and I noticed a small bottle of shampoo or something, so I picked it up to move it out of the way (I would never use it), and I looked at the label, and it said, "Nancy Boy Shampoo.!"  "Well," he added, "You could have knocked me over with a feather."  For those who don't know, "nancy boy" is British slang for "gay man."  At first I thought he was teasing me, but I googled it and sure enough, there is such a product and a whole line of hair care by that name.  The owners originally sold exclusively online, but later they opened a store on Market Street in San Francisco:

    Nancy Boy Homepage             http://store.yahoo.com/nancyboysf/

 

Then he said, "Seems like Jackie is going to sleep all day...and the cat lays there like a guarding lion, or a Fu temple dog...daring me to bother her."  He has an Asian-American wife, and he said, "I want temple dogs on my grave.  I want to be buried in the Chinese graveyard, so they can kiss my white ass for eternity."  I was laughing and asking him if I could use this conversation in my blog.  At first he refused saying, "Please no.  I'm embarassed already," but then he said "Well.  Who am I to stand in the way of the press?  What you have to do, do it quickly."

           

                         Honorable Ancestors?    Fu You!!!

Saturday, August 6, 2005

Elder Dreams

An elderly person I know called to tell me how upset she was over a dream she had last night.  She's 94, and she dreamed that God was beckoning to her with a crooked finger and said "I'm ready for you now."  Last week, however, she dreamed that she was God, and she was telling Condoleeza Rice to "go to hell," so I told her the way I saw it, her dreams balanced out and she shouldn't worry about it.

                              

                        "Nobody Puts Baby In The Corner!"

 

                          Finger of God

                                                  "Time's Up!"

Thursday, August 4, 2005

Designing Cards: Miss Thi's Corset Card

A corset card designed for my friend Loralee in Massachusetts.  Made of black vinyl paper with red rosettes, red heart-shaped gem stones as the garter snaps, and red satin ribbon, the card's laces can be undone in the back and the card opens upon unlacing.

                         

 

                      

 

Lee adores corsets, and there is a whole culture around the wearing of them:             

            Long Island Staylace Association-Laced Corsetry & Stays Site

        How to properly lace a corset

There are several different ways to lace your corset. Some entail one, two, three, even four separate laces. Below are steps on our preferred way to lace your corset. This method uses just one very long lace (Our longer model corsets use two or more) and also creates less friction and stress on the corset by transferring the pull of the laces to the eyelets and not the fabric. There are several advantages to this method of lacing.

The biggest benefit of this type of lacing is that the corset can be laced fully closed without the laces getting in the way. If the corset is not completely closed, and if a lacing protector is not used, the tender skin of your back will get pinched and this can get pretty painful. If the corset is laced the way tennis shoes are generally laced, then the laces get in the way of closure of the back (depending on the bulk of the laces). This method can leave as much as a one-inch gap in the back of the corset. Closing the corset completely in the back is easier on the garment and your body not to mention the satisfaction of finally being able to close a corset knowing that your waist is some 4" smaller now! In addition it is easier to close the corset, this is especially helpful for those of us that do not have much upper-body strength or do not have someone to help us get dressed. Having help getting dressed is by far the preferred method for several reasons that should be very clear to you .

Now it may seem a little obsessive but this is the preferred way to lace our corsets.

Now, on with the lacing!

First, study one side of the back of the corset. Count the number of eyelets from the top to the center-waist. If the number of eyelets is odd, start the lace from the underside. If the number is even, start from the outside. The steps below show lacing of odd number of eyelets. (If your corset has an even number, begin at step 1, do step 3, then step 2.) This may be a bit confusing, but we hope this helps.

These diagrams are drawn as if you are looking at the outside of the corset.

Step 1. Place the corset flat on a table. On this corset, we have an odd number of eyelets, so we will start the lace from the inside. Slip it through the top eyelets of the corset. Pull the lace through so that the horizontal lace is on the inside of the corset. Also, please make sure the two ends of the lace are even.

step 1

step 2

Step 2. Next, take the lace on the left side and cross it over to the right. Slip it into the eyelet. Make sure that the lace that crosses over forms a line that stays outside of the corset. Repeat this on the right lace. Notice that the strings are now on the inside of the corset. The secret is to form an "X" with the laces on the same side that the lace originated from.         Step 3. Now the laces are on the inside of the corset. Take the lace on the right side and cross it over to the left side. Pull the lace through the eyelet. Repeat on the left lace. This will form an "X" on the inside. Notice that the laces are on the outside now.

step 3

step 4

Step 4. Repeat steps 2 and 3 until you reach the waistline of the corset. This is where the puller-loop is created. The puller-loop is the loop of lace that you pull on to draw in the corset. Please note that the puller-loop MUST be on the outside.         Step 5. Take the left lace and slip it through the next eyelet down on the left side. This creates a loop on the outside of the corset. The remaining lace should now be on the inside. Now for the right side, take the right lace and slip it through the next eyelet down on the right side. The remaining lace should be on the inside.

step 5

step 6

Step 6. Now slip the left lace through the next eyelet on the right side. (Just like you did in step 3). Take the right lace and cross it over to the left side. This will form an "X" on the inside of the corset. Repeat steps 3 and 4 until you reach the bottom. Adjust the slack in the laces so that you have around four to five inches of slack between the two sides.         Step 7. Tie off the bottom lace like you would your shoe. If you pull on the puller loops, the back of the corset should resemble the drawing on the right. See the "X's"? Notice that the corset is completely closed with no gaps between the sides. Now your corset laces are ready for tight lacing! Just make sure that there is about four to five inches of slack between the laces before you try it on to make it easier to get in.

Finished!!

wrong!!

Incorrect Method To the left is a drawing of what we called the "tennis shoe" method. Notice that the laces prevent the corset from completely closing. Also it takes much more strength to pull in the laces. That is because of the friction caused by the overlapping of laces. It does look pretty though.

 

Wednesday, August 3, 2005

Guest Blogger: Lori - Rants On Pants

I am writing to you today to tell you that I am through caring about who ends up as a justice of the Supreme Court. I could give a flying fart about whether or not Rafael Palmeiro did or did not purposefully do steroids. These issues, and many others like them, are now small potatoes to me. I have finally found my calling in life, and I am writing today to urge you to climb aboard my bandwagon, to join my quest to make positive changes on a subject that certainly affects all Americans, if not all the people of the world.  Get on your computers, fire up your fax machines and tell your Congressmen that it’s time to do something about an issue that affects us all: women’s clothing sizes.

 

I honestly don’t know why we’ve let this problem go on for as long as we have without doing anything about it. I did some checking today at the library hoping to figure out where it all started and still I am completely baffled.  I decided to start at the beginning. I already knew that over the milllennia many religious sects have required women to wear dresses, so I dug up a copy of the Bible and checked to see what other requirements might be in there. You know what I found? I read through the whole Adam and Eve debacle and while God does guarantee Eve that she’ll have pain in childbirth for the original sin, nowhere in the book of Genesis does he state that she won’t be able to find a consistent clothing size. Go ahead and check.  It’s not in there, I swear.  Personally I’ve never had a child but I’m willing to bet that most women would tell you that the YEARS of pain and aggravation generated by irresponsible clothing manufacturers is far worse than the few HOURS of pain associated with childbirth.

 

For the men in the audience who truly don’t understand what I’m talking about, nor why women have to try on “every piece of clothing in every damn store,” let me explain: (If you’re a woman, go ahead and skip ahead. You already understand perfectly don’t you?)  You go into a store, lets say The Gap, and you try on a pair of jeans, size 8. They fit perfectly. You buy them. Happiness ensues.  A little later that same day you’re in another store, lets say The Limited, and you try on a pair of jeans, size 8. You can’t get into those bastards to save your life. This is because The Gap’s size 8 is not now nor ever will be The Limited’s size 8.  The problem isn’t restricted to just different store sizes either. You are in Hecht’s and you try on a pair of Dockers twill pants in khaki size 8. They fit fine. You then try on a pair of Dockers denim pants size 8. Nope. They’re too big. Same brand mind you, but two different sizes. However, that’s not the worst.  The worst one is: you try on a pair of Dockers twill pants in a khaki color size 8 and they fit. You buy not only the khaki color, but the black as well so that you have more than one pair of pants that fit at your disposal. You get these pairs of pants home and decide that you need to see how the black pair looks with the sweater you bought just last week. But here’s where the fun comes in: the black pair doesn’t fit you. They’re the SAME EXACT PAIR of pants as the khaki ones you just tried on less than an hour ago, but for some reason they just won’t fit. This, my male friends, is what women go through every day.

 

It’s enough to make a person crazy. A good friend of mine assures me that her husband can go into any store, walk to the men’s department, pick up a pair of 36’s, buy them without ever having to try them on and they’ll fit, no sweat. After all, a 36 measurement is a 36 measurement no matter where you go.  My father however assures me that men have similar problems. He promises me that he’s got two pair of size 34 jeans and one can be buttoned while the other can’t.   I can’t speak for either of them. All I can say is that no matter what size female you are be it 8 or be it 58 (if you’re smaller than an 8 go out and eat a “Happy Meal” toothpick!) the size you wear is not the size you wear. You’ve got 3 different sizes hanging up in that closet of yours, don’t you? I know I do. Most of them don’t fit either.

 

So my point, ladies and gentleman is that we need to get on our phones, computers and faxes and tell our legislators that something needs to be done. Stop worrying about the next Supreme Court Justice most of us won’t end up before him or her anyway.  If men want to pump themselves full of steroids and hit a thousand home runs... great. (It just means we’ll all get more sex! [At least until things start falling off!]) Just say, "Rafael Who???"  We need to stand up for regulated clothing sizes not only from store to store, but within each and every clothing line. Doing so will guarantee the sanity and happiness of all women everywhere and, surreptitiously, all men too. (Just think how little time you’ll have to spend waiting while your woman tries on clothes!!) Oh who am I kidding? We’ll still want to try on the whole store…  Thank you in advance for your support and Good Night.

 

             The Hep Hop Generation

 

 

 

not written by washington cube

 

 

 

 

Designing Cards

Last year during a burst of energy, I began to design cards for friends.  I created about twelve different templates that could be varied in terms of pop-ups and cutouts, and I went to Pearl Arts & Crafts and stocked up on handmade papers with varied colored and textures to play around with in the design.  I also bought new brushes and watercolors.  The work actually began the August before when I designed the lovebird card for my friend's wedding shower.  Their wedding colors were burgundy and gold, and I created an interlocking spiral that had a pair of lovebirds that twirled on a piece of thread in the center.  I also created all of the envelopes to go with the cards, and I worked up about four templates (eight total) in two sizes to accommodate all of the card styles.

 

                    

                          Joe & Dani's Lovebirds Wedding Card

 

       

                         Harriet's Penguin Birthday Card

In January, I started working on the cards with more involvement, and I did an origami penguin with a handpainted watercolored card on art paper; the penguin sitting on an ice floe, and I painted the envelope to carry over from the card design.  This went on all spring, then I got busy with...I don't know..life, and I dropped it all, right in the middle of a new design involving pop-up sailboats for a friend in Annapolis.  I want to get back to this as I felt I was accomplishing something interesting with my designs.

 

 

Monday, August 1, 2005

It's A Maryland Thing, Hon

With the promise of a crab feast, I spent Saturday with my brother and father when I visited my brother's house  in the country outside of Washington.  My father was visiting from his new home in Rehoboth Beach, Delaware.  When I first arrived, my brother had been out in his garden, and he had this devil-horned tomato he had found and was chasing me around, waving the tomato at me going "...ooooooooo...the devil tomato is going to get you."  Naturally, I ran away from the demon fruit.  Funny how we can revert back to childhood so quickly, isn't it?

        

                                       The Devil Tomato

I went out into the garden to pick vegetables for our dinner, and the yard was full of doves, mockingbirds, hummingbirds, monarch butterflies and bumble bees.  Here are some of the things I found:

        

      

In the morning my brother had been asked to cook for a picnic where he steamed crabs caught earlier that day in the Bay.  I should explain that my brother is a masterful waterman and knows a great deal about boats and fishing.  He brought back some of the crabs from the picnic that he had purchased, and these were steamed for our dinner, along with a salad from things we picked in the garden.  While we were sitting out on his deck, cracking crabs and watching the debris pile high, I noted that here we were, eating crabs, and talking about crabs, because that is what the talk centered on:  our youth out on the water, catching crabs, cleaning fish, tricks for cracking crabs, and other memories that had to do growing up in this region.  When I pointed this out, my brother said, "That's what you do.  You talk about crabs while eating them."

A friend of mine from Baltimore and I have both laughed over the fact that we were told by our parents, by age five, that we had to know how to crack open a crab ourselves.  It's laborious work, with not much reward, but the true pleasure in eating crabs is in the camaraderie.  Parents can get weary of little hands reaching out for more crabmeat, when they want to be eating themselves, so a child in this area learns fairly young how to tackle the Maryland Blue.

Here is how my brother steams a bushel of crabs:  Using a sixty-quart pot (and his has an insert basket), you place a brick in the bottom of the pot to hold the basket above the fluid line.  You pour in one cup of white vinegar and a couple of cans of beer (any type), and you bring the fluid to a boil.  Once boiling, you layer the crabs in the basket, sprinkling crab seasoning over each layer, and you steam them for about 20-25 minutes.  My brother uses Old Bay seasoning, but Maryland is also famous for Wye River crab spice and some people swear by J.O. Spice Company crab seasoning:

        http://www.jospices.com/       Wye River Products

My brother was remembering crabbing at Myrtle Beach when I was about five years old.  That was the time he caught the largest crabs ever.  When my brother goes crabbing now, the largest crab he might catch is about 8 3/4 inches from tip to tip.  That time in South Carolina, on a back bay, he said the crabs caught were pushing 10-11 inches in length,  and he's never seen them that large since.  My mother couldn't believe when the family came back with these huge crabs, and she made about two crab cakes from one crab, using up the bushel. At that time, there were sand bars in the ocean, and at certain times of day they would create little natural swimming pools that were about two feet deep, which was perfect for my tiny five-year old self.  We were there with another family, and they had a son my brother's age, and another boy my age.  Timmy, who was my "pal," could never remember my name so he always called me "Somebody."  One day he went racing back to the house to report that "Somebody had just kissed him."....the little tattletale.

Everyone has their favorite spot to crab, but my brother feels the Patuxent River has the sweetest crabs.  "It's all about the bottom of the river," according to him, but there is a lot of good crabbing in the Chesapeake Bay, the Wye River, the Wicomico River, and any other little creeks and tributaries tucked along the land.  As a child, I usually did my crabbing in the Patuxent River, so that is what I know the best.  Unfortunately, I also remember the Patuxent Naval Air Station, where I could be out on the river in a canoe and hear a heliocopter go overhead with a blaring speaker saying "Get out of the water."  You see, they tested jets there, and if you've ever read The Right Stuff, you know that sometimes the pilots didn't survive the trial.  The Navy didn't want to be taking you out if the plane went down.  Ah, childhood.

One way to crab is to bait your trot line every three to four feet with bait on a looped line and sinker.  Some use a collapsible trap.  My brother told me on Saturday that salted eel is the very best bait you can use in crabbing, but because of the popularity of eel in Asia, the market prices have been driven up, making it prohibitive to use.  He swears by bull lips, because the meat is so tough, the crabs have a hard time chewing the bait away quickly.  Some people use chicken necks with the same effect, but according to the "bro," bull lips is the way to go.  Here's a link that will teach you how to make your own trot line:

     http://www.marshbunny.com/mbunny/sidetrip/trotline/trotline.html

My brother has met a lot of crusty characters when he's been out and about with his boat, and he's gotten his best fishing tips from these Maryland watermen who make their livelihoods going out to farm a dwindling industry.  I can remember as a child being taught that oysters were a natural resource of this region.  No more.  Red Smith, an old waterman my father and brother knew, taught my brother this very old-fashioned and traditional way to smoke oysters.  Want to know how?  Here's what you do:

You start with a five-gallon bucket of water which you heavily salt using sea salt, and taking burlap bags, you get them soaking, as you will need them later.  You then spread out and build a large wood fire and get it going, then layer with any of the flavored woods:  mesquite, cherry, or hickory.  Once the fire is down to red hot coals, you place river stones over the surface.  A river stone is a large flat, smooth, stone about an inch and a half in width.  [Some people put a steel grate over this arrangement, but my brother thinks this transmits too much heat and can ruin the process.]  Taking your burlap bags, which you have twisted and rung the water out of, you put down two layers over the rocks (and you can assume you will lose these in the cooking process through scorching), then you start layering with oysters, bags, oysters, bags, oysters until the bushel of oysters has been used up, then you cover the top layer with the wet bags.  The steaming process takes a couple of hours, and the oysters are done when they pop open.  The good thing about this very old way of smoking is that as the oysters begin to partially open they are retaining their liquid inside the shells, but they are also absorbing the smoke.  And..according to my brother...things get very smoky.  There is minimal shrinking in using this process, the oyster meat doesn't get tough and rubbery, and at the end, you have perfectly smoked oysters.

 

 

           

My brother has these wonderful crab knives made by the former Carval Hall Company in Crisfield, Maryland.  They measure about six inches in overall length, and the blade runs about 2 1/2 inches long.  They are weighted to give you the perfect "feel" in cracking crabs, and my brother has taught me this method in eating crabs, rather than the more commonly known method of pounding the crab with a wooden mallet.  My brother told me the women who clean crabs in the processing plant in Crisfield use paring knives, but  they hone the blade down to about the size of these crab knives, as it is ideal for digging in and getting  out the crab meat.  Instead of hitting the crab claw with a mallet, you flip the claw over, and you score the knife in just beyond the hinge point, rocking the knife in the score, and with a twist you can pop the shell off and you have a cocktail claw.

When the talk turned to cleaning fish, my father asked what is the hardest fish to fillet.  "The flounder," my brother replied.  Their bottom is white and the top is a mottled olive-brown.  You fillet from the top, working near the spine and always cutting on a diagonal knife blade.  "It's quite a process," my brother said.

My brother refuses to eat female crabs as "they make the babies," but for those of you who don't know, here is how you tell the difference between a female and a male crab.

                        Female Crab

                     The female has a shape like the U.S. Capitol

 

                   Male Crab

               The male has a shape like the Washington Monument

 

The only other thing that would have made the day perfect would have been to have my mother with us, but we remembered her in our stories and had nothing but good memories.

 

 

 

Cocktail of the Week Redux: "M" for Molotov.

Molotov Cocktail

1 1/2 oz vodka
1 splash 151 proof rum

Pour a shot of vodka (preferably Russian) into a shot glass. Float the 151, ignite, blow out, and shoot.

It's interesting that reader, Unique Alias, brought up "Molotov Cocktail."  I was with my brother and father this weekend.  I was telling them about my neighbor Jill (that they both know) and how her husband who is studying to be a mining engineer had ordered a book online for his schoolwork (recommended by the professor, mind you), about explosives and blowing things up.  Well...this is what mining engineers do, right?  My neighbor had asked me not long ago if the FBI had come to see me, as  "The Bureau" had been in the neighborhood investigating her husband, after he ordered this book.  Homeland Security and all of that.

 I was telling Jill's story to my father and brother, and they were laughing, but both had ties to NASA so they understood ( I should add, we seem to breed a family of security clearances.)  My father was teasing me about my interest in Russia and China in high school and how at one time I had subscribed to these journals and magazines coming directly from said countries and my father was so afraid he'd be at risk for investigation.  When my Dad brought this story up again on Saturday we were laughing about it, but the minute he said it, the whole situation came back to me.   To my parent's credit, they never stopped their daughter's inquiring mind and they stood by and let me explore my mind's fancies. 

 Toast to you both:   Желаю тебе/вам счастья.     (I wish you happiness.)

Thunderbird Air Force Barbie & Ken Deluxe Set

 

 

  

  Thunderbird Barbie and Ken:  Aim High

 

 

 

 

P.S.  I never could stomach Barbie and Ken.  I still think there's something creepy about them.

P.P.S.  While we were sitting on my brother's deck, eating crabs (which I'm going to be writing about), my brother and father started discussing the problems the shuttle has been having (since we're on the topic of NASA), and my brother was giving this technical explanation of what he would do to correct a specific problem.  My father said to him "Do you know what I'd do to fix it?  "What?," said my brother.  Dad paused and said "I'd recommend they use chicken wire....chicken wire and duct tape."  My brother walked right into that one.  This, of course, lead to a discussion of how just useful chicken wire and duct tape really are.

         

                 Memo To NASA:  Chicken Wire and Duct Tape