Guest Blogger: Lori

                      

 

                         Baltimore: For Non-Baltimorons

 

 

I was born in Baltimore City, hon. I grew up down in Dundalk, a small section of Baltimore County where the hair is high, the gum chewing is loud, and becoming a good bowler is considered a lifetime pursuit.

 

 I could “pick” an entire steamed crab by myself at age 5 and I grew up delivering “Natty Bohs” to my Dad, but not before I had sucked down half the can of beer before he ever touched it.

 

 

                         

 

 

Because of all of this, I feel I am somewhat of an authority on a few of the idiosyncrasies of my hometown, but certainly not all of them. If my knowledge can help you in  any way to enjoy Baltimore more (or at least annoy my fellow citizens less) then feel free to use it. If none of it helps you or even makes sense, well you’re just not a Baltimoron.

 

To start, I fully expect to get blasted up one side and down the other for my use of the term “Baltimoron” instead of the more politically correct “Baltimorean”. I will start by explaining…

 

Baltimorons like nothing better than to destroy words. We will literally take letters and/or syllables from some words and add them to others. The best examples I can give of this addition/subtraction process are the names of our two cities: Baltimore and Washington.

 

Enough press has already been given to the habit we have of pronouncing Baltimore as “Bawlmer” or “Balmer”. I don’t know many people who have trouble saying “ti”. People who live in other parts of Maryland seem to have no trouble with it. Yet my fellow morons seem completely incapable.

 

On the other hand we add a letter to Washington. In Balmer the word Washington is frequently pronounced “Warshington.” There’s no R in Washington. I was actually surprised during my childhood when I learned how to spell the word and found out there was no R there.

 

The bonus R doesn’t just apply to DC. We add that R to any cleaning we have to do as well.

 

“Going out to warsh the car before it gets too hot outside.”

 

 “Did you warsh behind your ears?”

           

I trust you understand what I’m trying to say here.  To that end, I can justify my use of the word “Baltimoron” instead of the more common Baltimorean because it has fewer syllables. I’m almost positive they’ll turn up somewhere else.

 

 

            

                                         Charm City, Hon

 

 

(not written by Washington Cube)