Sartorial Advice To The Next Female Supreme Court Justice

 

 

Sartorial Advice To the Next Female Supreme Court Justice

 

 

White Kimono:  Your homage to O-Ren Ishi.   Pair it with a Samurai Sword, and you’re cooking.  Justice will never have been so swift.  Your docket will be kept empty (so to speak).  Your cleaning bills will jump, but so will you.  You cannot discount the impact of the absence of color in a multi-colored garbed crowd, or against black.  Group photos of the Kourt Kidz, and you will “pop.”   Actress Mae West, when making the film Myra Breckenridge, had it written into her contract that she be the only actor allowed to wear white.  She was worried about her age, and she wanted to deflect attention away from Raquel Welch.  You could also go around quoting Mae West while wearing white, “I was pure as the driven snow, but boy did I drift.”  Nice double entendre going on in homage to the snowy courtyard fight scene in Kill Bill Vol. 1.  If you go with this ensemble, skip the next item and go for the tabi sock and the zori shoe.  A hestitant step will confuse your opponents, and they’ll never see you coming with your verdicts.

 

 

 

             

                                       Docket Number:  05-6258

 

 

 

 

Boots:  High black leather boots with stiletto heels.  Think Condi Rice.  Think power.  Think Dominatrix.  Think of the nice "click, click, click" your heels will make in the marble halls of justice. If you decide to pair these with a kimono, tell them you’re into fusion dressing.

 

The Gavel:  A cat o'nine tails would command more respect, or a riding crop.  Such a nice whooshing, thwapping sound when it strikes.  You'’ll have them cringing at your judgments.  I think you're stuck with the gavel on this one, but if you can pull it off, don’t hang the whip off of your belt.  Stick with the understated.  If you must use a gavel, aim for ebony wood and customize the metal band to have three inch long spikes protruding outward.  Hell on the wood  bench, but what a visual.

 

 

                 

    

 

                 A Nice Homage to Navy Nautical Law...With A Twist

 

 

 

Lingerie:  Sure no one sees it under those robes, but it affects your mind set and body language. Citing astronomical costs, showman Flo Ziegfeld  was once asked why he dressed his showgirls in imported Belgian lace undergarments invisible to the audience.  Ziegfeld replied  "..the girls know they are wearing quality, and it affects how they think about themselves and how they carry their bodies.  They…walk differently."  

 

 

The Lace Jabot Issue:  This has never flown.  I don’t know what Sandy was thinking.  She was constantly sending out conflicting signals.  There was that whole Louis XIV “Le Roi Soleil, L’Etat est Moi” thang  (and you know how that crowd wound up), or it sets to mind male Scottish kilt formalwear, and you don’t want people thinking about your sporran.

 

 

                               

 

                                    

Under the Robe:  Expand your mindset.  The public isn’t going to see.  Go to work one day as a Furry.  Wear boned corsets (constrain your torso, open your mind).  Wear vintage.  Push this one as far as you can.  If you refer to Smoking Gun.com you can read about a judge who shaved and oiled his nether region and had a male enhancement pump working while he sat on the bench.   The courtroom reported hearing a "swooshing" sound coming from the bench, a noise the court reporter said "sounded like a blood pressure cuff being pumped up." The Judge, once discovered, cited that it was a “gag gift.”  What a card. 

                                  

 

 

                                 

 

 

                   http://www.thesmokinggun.com/archive/0624041pump1.html

 

 

Optional:

 

Cabana Boys:  Easy.   Call them “clerks.”

 

The Lanai:   You should be able to find some officespace for this cheerful bar addition.

 

 

                                       It's 2005, Sistah.  Lighten things up.